Hey, NRA: Shut the F*** Up!: An Open Letter from Tommy Vercetti

Published on Author Eli Fennell

 

In response to the NRA’s recent suggestion that violent video games may be linked to gun violence, I reached out to fictional character Tommy Vercetti from Grand Theft Auto: Vice City to ask for his opinion of the NRA’s position.  Luckily for us, he responded to our request.

Here is Mister Vercetti’s official statement on the matter:
Do I really have to deal with this bulls***?  I’m surrounded by a**holes… again.

I have to go deal with this thing… it involves a fast boat and some, uh, foreign products… so I’ll make this quick.  Cuban Standard Time.

I’ve been an NRA supporter for years.  They’ve been very good to my “family”.  I wish I could say my family’s always been good to me.  I made a lot of sacrifices for them, did a lot of hard time to protect them.  In the end they tried to kill me.  Guns saved my life.

But now they wanna blame me… ME!… Tommy f***ing Vercetti… for their problems?!  I’ve killed prostitutes for less!

Let’s get one thing straight: I’m not the reason kids are killing each other.  I’m just a character played by Ray Liotta.  I’m not a role model.  I’m not your f***ing grandma.  And I’m not some politician.   Believe you me, I know politicians.  I only wish I was one.

If you want to blame anyone, blame yourselves.  A bunch of Dons did a better job raising me than you a**holes seem able to manage.  I didn’t have kids for a reason.

If your kids admire me, it’s because you made me their babysitter.  But when something goes wrong, who do you blame?  Me!  Because you won’t give your kids as much attention as I give Pizza Delivery?  Go f*** yourselves.

And remember, you mess with Tommy Vercetti and I’ll do things to you I wouldn’t tell my Priest about.  Remember: Not Guilty.

I love technology and how it changes our lives. There's something almost spiritual about how new technologies connect and empower us. And it's really cool, too.

Google+ Comments

Categories TechnologyTags

Eli Fennell

I love technology and how it changes our lives. There's something almost spiritual about how new technologies connect and empower us. And it's really cool, too.