There have been a lot of developments in internet marketing in 2014, and 2015 will bring many new ones with it. So before you read them all later, here are some wacky predictions of what we might see.
1) Google rolls out a new algorithmic penalty, Google Cowbell. Will not affect rankings, but will place a message on your homepage saying, “Your site… needs more cowbell.” David Amerland publishes his new book, “Google Cowbell Search”.
2) Microsoft kills Bing, replaces its homepage with random images of cats from the internet. Bing’s market share increases to 46% of the U.S. Search market.
3) Emboldened by recent Right To Be Forgotten rulings, EU Regulators require Google to honor new You Didn’t See Nothing, Capisce? regulations. Anyone who saw an offending Search result before removal receives a visit from Italian Mobsters who will remind you that you have a lovely home and a lovely family, and it’d be a shame if anything happened to them.
4) Facebook reduces Organic Page Reach to Zero, adopts new motto: “In Pages, no one can you hear you scream.”
5) Twitter unveils new ad format, Twitter Ads for Trolls. Revenue doubles. Internet trolls everywhere praise the company for giving them an innovative new tool to spread anger, fear, and hatred on their favorite social network.
6) Instagram purges spam and inactive accounts again. Their only remaining user is a guy named Roy McCullough from Austin, Texas.
7) Vine purges spam and inactive accounts, ends up with a negative user count, implodes into a quantum singularity for 6-seconds over and over again until everyone is sick of seeing it. The Vine Singularity becomes the most looped Vine ever.
8) Pinterest finally appeals to men with their new feature, PinUps.
9) Net Neutrality is replaced with Net Melancholy. ISP’s will once again treat all internet traffic the same, but won’t see the point in even bothering since none of it really matters or will make them happy.
10) Guy Kawasaki releases new book, “The Art of Paying Interns to Tweet for You”. It briefly becomes the #1 Best Seller on Amazon.
I love technology and how it changes our lives. There’s something almost spiritual about how new technologies connect and empower us. And it’s really cool, too.